What were you there for?

I don't know why I was particularly thinking of this.

Strike that. I know exactly why. My pictures were scrolling on my screensaver and I looked up at the corkboard above my bed with the pictures collaged on it. Oh and my picture mobile, my other corkboard with just KD girls on it, and my pictures in frames on my nightstand.

I started really looking at them. So many great friends. So many beautiful girls. The former and the latter had people that I thought:

Huh? What the hell was the point of them being involved in my life? What were you there for?

Really. It's my thought. Some people are obvious. Others... not so much. Still others I thought were obvious, then really thinking about it, not so much. Certain people I wonder why I let them into my life in the first place. Some people I saw as leeches. Some torturers. Some the most genuine people I know.

Some people that I was madly in love with and the love was reciprocal. Some the love wasn't returned at all.

About two weeks ago Alexandra and I cleaned out my closet. It was interesting finding some old stuff, remembering the old days in my head with certain people, then watching Alexandra quickly throw those memories in the trash.

It hurt a little, seeing such large parts of my life that were former treasures simply dismissed as modern day garbage, but what are you gonna do? I doubt that keeping a collage that a current married woman (shit. Two collages from current married women) once gave me ranks high on my current significant other's priority list.

I write this because soon all these other pictures of people are going to come down. They won't find the same demise as the collages, of course, but it'll suck not seeing them all the time.

I just wish the pictures could talk before they come down. Maybe they could answer my questions. What were you there for? What did you teach me? Why did you tell me you loved me? Why did you stab me in the back, especially when all I did was promote you? Why did I believe in you? On top of that why did you do a shitty job when you took over for me? Why won't you answer the phone when I call anymore?

I miss you guys. Even the backstabbers.